5 days in California and I've already started a new adventure
The Spring Equinox brings about a New Year. A true feeling of spring and rebirth whirls around me and I am in the middle of the greatest transformation of my life since I started college. I had just made it home to California after the sweetest South America trip with my not-so-little (23 years old) yet still little (she's the shortest in the fam) sister.
To say I am blessed is an understatement. To get to sit with myself and attempt to rewire my brain once more after ending up broke for the umpteenth time; reminds me of the joy of becoming abundant. you know, the feeling that only future-you knows how to live in, 24/7, without getting phased? Well, I'm learning to become that person now, through the discomfort of having my bank account in negatives, I am prolonging the time that my emotional state ripples calm and financial confidence throughout my body. Telling my body to be still, that it's okay to be still. And rewiring the beautiful baby brain that has for years been a bit curious and chaotic in the ways it stumbles through the same patterns and behaviors, jajajaja... ahhhhh.
It's funny how the same acknowledgment that used to keep these words locked up in an unforeseen draft, has me confident in my ability to retrain myself through this uncertainty. I now know that I'm preparing for financial abundance but what that really should mean is that I am about to embark on becoming abundant. letting go of the emotional weight of the life I have lived and making a commitment to myself to make space to affirm my body and lower the volume on the negative emotions and begin to prioritize the emotions that will metabolize my body into this new chapter. This chapter is where my solid/static sense of self not only becomes reimagined but alchemically shifts from being fixed/unchangeable matter to being energy in the process of change. This is the becoming I've been waiting for. And now I feel prepared to actively unfold it. To trust that the universe had this planned for me all along and forgive my shameful younger self who didn't understand they were allowed to enjoy the process.
My elbows rise in tension and fall with a sigh as I write this. This is what I'm talking about. This is the change. Listening and observing my body in motion and allowing it to come home to itself without judging the tension or unhealthy behaviors. Simply tweaking them gradually and trusting them to align, and realign as many times as it needs until I am living my best life 24/7. For now, I just laugh at this beautiful messy journey that somehow brought me to a rural town to follow my calling in mindful media (mindfulness X media literacy). The idea in my head for the past five years is finally breathing; its heart has a steady heartbeat, and the best thing I can do as its mom, is to keep my heart calm. Model for it and myself, the process of calming myself down over and over. Until my body breathes abundances onto the bay of my bed.
Beyond my past, this is my present: I am living my future.
Home is an active exercise of reminding myself I have arrived. After 5 days in San Bernardino, of which I spent 24 hours in LA, I already packed my car and drove off to my next destination. New Cuyama. Along the way, I arrived at home about 13 times before I made it to New Cuyama. It took me five to seven hours-ish after parking my car to finally arrive home at the blank page and not only commit to writing to you but to commit to writing for me.
So welcome home, to this new me you have not met. I know this because him and her just getting to know each other, really know each other: and I love them. I love me.
"New Poem from the PLANE" with mp3
I'll be focusing this month on submitting a final set of videos to a freelance client: can't wait for you to see them. In the meantime, here's the latest video series I produced. You do not have to watch but if your curious about what kind of video work I've been preparing for school settings, there's three of them in the series focusing on the perspective of frontline workers:
Beyond video production, I am committed to building a community, making beautiful mistakes, and developing a bilingual mindful media menu that I hope to tour the US with next month. Next year. Next Decade. You let me know when you'd like a taste or when you'd like to gather loved ones for a mindful meal, and together we can reimagine the way we feel around ourselves, our technology, and the media narratives that heighten our stress and raise our blood pressure. I am ready to regulate, limit, and set intentions with those doses so that I can take back my attention, my time, and my love. I am ready to allow myself to walk toward a calmer and more confident way of life. Beyond my past, this is my present: I am living my future. One breath at a time.
P.S. if you'd like to know about South America please let me know what about it you would like to know. The history, the present, the land, the homies, finding home abroad, or the beauty I witnessed in myself and my sister?