If last week's post was about yang (shadows) this is about yin (light). And I'm learning not to apologize for that light. I'm also learning not to blind others with it; no one asked for that.
I'm sorry if I've ever imposed my beliefs or learnings in what should have been a casual conversation between homies. I'm still learning to embrace my light and walk down the path to my destiny; without doubting my whole existence... It's been a shaky journey with temptations and distractions, yet if we've talked in person over the past 2-3-5 years, you've heard me go off about the work I do or the work I love as if it's the only way. AND IT IS– for me. Sorry, not sorry. I carve out this space (blog) so I can release what I need to be saying and make external progress on my project –without overwhelming those closest to me with the eternal spiral I live on: #ontheway
Long story short, I was raised to be a good Catholic boy. I fell in love with the arts and the deeper I dove in, the more my sense-of-self outgrew the safe shell that I co-created with my family & friends growing up. I'm still evolving. And through this evolution, I learned:
to see the beauty in all life –AKA, God
tao, flow, the way is the life force that runs through all things
La Virgen de Guadalupe connects many of us to the land in a way words can never do justice; she is the Goddess of fertility but most importantly, our mother.
agape (unconditional love for all things) is what really made Martin Luther King Jr. a threat to the State: imagine if we loved everyone instead of dividing ourselves 😳
Jesus's Aramaic word for God was not father, it was Abwoon.
Abwoon: a blending of “abba (father)”and “woon” (womb) one interpretation of the opening line of the Lord's Prayer (El Padre Nuestro/Creadore Nuestro):
O Birther! Father-Mother of the Cosmos, you create all that moves in light.
I do my best to move in light, acknowledge and dissolve the fears that interrupt flow; only then can the Holy Spirit to move through me and do the thing I was put here to do... BE AN ACTOR
JK. I'm meant to do more than act BUT I am no longer looking down on that part of myself or that part of the work I do. I do a lot of different kinds of things: and I'll fill you in on recent endeavors NEXT WEEK. But as a mindful media storyteller & educator I will channel my time and effort into a handful of projects this season:
OTWay H🌀ME (the trip & the documentary)
No surprise that even after arriving in West Chicago, my journey isn't over. I'm still learning to reclaim my space and sense-of-self where I am perceived as the person I was instead of accepting the person I am. That's okay, I'm not asking you to change or accept; I just need to ease myself beyond discomfort and own my sense of home no matter where I find myself.
That being said, this September, I hope to travel to my first home away from home: Syracuse, NY. Even if it's by train or plane: I want to spend time with myself and the people that helped me break out of my shell– in the place where I first said," HELLL, why not be myself?"
My priority is to release vlogs to help build out a community; take this OTWay project to the people. Build out a comunity page here on the website for folks to share their mindful media resources and creations and most importantly, ask for help.
Family History Project
I've been talking about this for over a year; I don't think it's feasible to complete round 1 in the next 2 months but it's why I've returned to my family in the MidWest. So, I'm not gonna let the fear of rejection keep me from sharing a project that is personal as much as it is professional.
My priority is to plant seeds with the households willing to participate; I'm inviting 8 families to work one-on-one. That entails, sharing the seed packet and setting parameters so that the garden can grow with each family's desired intention. This way, we have a common language that families can use 'trim' any weeds that they do not feel are important to their family history or values.
Mxn of the House
I developed a TV show!... in college. I was so scared the world might find this fictional autobiography and share it with my traditional Mexican grandfather, that I buried it. I began re-exploring the divine through my creativity (with the help of J.C.'s The Artist's Way), I need to revisit the story that scares me the most: my own.
Mxn of the House follows a twenty-something year-old Latinx vlogger/Tik Tokker as they unravel their unconventional gender-identity (in front of the whole internet and their family): sounds familiar. Tooo familiar. I wrote the Pilot (episode 101), and a whole TV bible (outline of the first season and beyond), as well as a Director's look book (how the show should look and feel).
My priority is to re-imagine and rewrite the pilot episode as a short film that I could produce with the help of friends and family. So before I return to LA, I will have a new draft of this story and have a way to share pieces of it here on the otway.media website. I kept my creativity a secret and I lived a whole new world in my LA apartment; it's time to come out, lol.
And I hope I can give loved ones an authentic taste of my voice and love.
Abwoon/flow/what you call the beauty of the universe
I can only speak for myself but I can't do this alone. I learned early on that it takes a village and I rely on my faith to get me through the loneliest moments. On this trip, I have already encountered people who challenge my whole existence and doubt the work I know I must do. That's okay, because I know there are countless coalitions, neighbors, and loved ones who see beyond the fear of us VS them and understand that to thrive in the uncertain future that awaits, we are stronger together: us vs the problem.
Thank you and the light within you for all the joy and love you are. May you keep shining, may we see each other soon, ontheway.